a lot of people remember their dreams. i almost never do. i literally remember three of them, and only one have I had more than twice. and i hate it.
on friday night, after an excellent Vegas evening, it was time to wind it down- they day started early and it was almost 3am. I laid down to go to bed, and was having what i can imagine was a good sleep (i don't really remember the sleep- usually a good sign) but I do remember waking up suddenly from my sleep from what is a consistent dream- my wife dying in her sleep. There are different versions of it, although she always seems to die naturally and peacefully in her sleep- examples range from the application of Derrick Bell's Amber Cloud chronicle, except the cloud only kills people and things that matter to me (so not just humans but my pets too) to just the run of the mill death in sleep- with the results always involving the police thinking I did it (funny that in my nightmares, the cops seem the same as they do now).
when the nightmare happens, i know sleep is something i won't be able to do: because in my head, I'm convinced that Carol won't be alive when I wake up and that somehow my sleeping is why she died- like if i was awake, i could have done something. And i know that there's literally nothing I can do, and that there's nothing really to be done.
so saturday night i knew i was going to not be able to fall asleep- but if you have that issue, Vegas isn't a bad place to be (better than Bakersfield, and I've had the issue in both places). unfortunately, it's not as easy to shake as i'd like it to be- so last night was also a limited sleep night- i got about 75 minutes in before i woke up to the same dream in a cold sweat-sweating through a shirt meant to wick away sweat. i laid in bed for awhile and couldn't sleep until Carol woke up- fortunately I got to work remotely for part of the day, so I got a little nap in.
But here we are, at the end of the evening, and I have to go to work tomorrow, which will be impossible and dangerous if i don't sleep (I don't drive a bus at work, but i drive a car to work and tired driving is like drunk driving with none of the fun before the shit decision). I need to get some sleep.
Hoping this Fire OG Kush helps.