It's clear we're in a "New Normal." I get it. The world is changing fast,, and it's imperative to be flexible to change at the speed and magnitude the world is changing. I get it. It was less than two weeks ago that my wife and I did something as taboo as fucking an animal is **right now**- we went out to dinner, to celebrate.
Now both of those things, dinner in public, as well as celebration.
Now, if we're sincere, this whole "shelter in place/stay at home" thing isn't as will-breaking for me as I'm sure it is for some of my more extroverted friends- if being around people is what gives you energy, brings you life, this would be close to will-breaking.
Fortunately, I'm not that guy.
I don't go out a ton, an occasional Happy Hour with work people or friends, but for the most part, I went to work, came home, got groceries and/or take out, picked up weed from the dispensary (but usually even that was delivered). So outside of going to work, I might only leave my house a few times a week, and only to do things that **are all currently allowed under the shelter in place order.** Other than not being able to buy shit like hand sanitizer and dry beans when I want to, it's not that bad. I can do 100% of my job from home (which makes me lucky), and my job is necessary even when the econ goes down the shitter (which makes me more fortunate). I have a great support system with a wife that's better than I'll ever deserve, two cats that make my world way brighter, and people who I know have my back and know it's reciprocal.
Which is why today was so odd.
Today was rough. And it's not that anything **in particular** made it rough- I mean Covid-19 has been running a train on the United States. The exponential math I've been concerned about is becoming to come to fruition, but that's neither surprising nor moving to me, as I've kind of seen that coming. It's not that the President, in the face of all of this, is looking at ways to get people back to work and standard routine. I've been watching the President do **dumb shit** for 4 full years, and people of all walks of life have been Getting Done Raw Dawg the whole time- kids in fucking cages, making migrants wait in Mexico, tax cuts, I don't have the time to list them all. It's not that I get to watch the thing I've tied my reasoning to in times of trouble, science, be burned at the stake like a Salem witch- dude literally is erasing any governmental claims about **climate change**, so that was to be expected. So what was it that broke me today?
I wanted to eat a ham and cheese empanada.
You see, there's a spot up the road about 4 miles that sells baller ass empanadas. I don't eat a ton of empanadas, but when I want one, I **fucking want one.** As I said, the store that sells them is just up the road, and I could have just gotten in my car and driven and gotten one.
Except I'm one of those immunocompromised people you read about. One of the people they tell you to stay home to protect. A two-time cancer survivor (and chemo survivor) and I have asthma. So if I get Covid-19, it's **probably** going to not go well.
They said they delivered, but their driver was sick, so they told me "to just come in" and pick them up. But I really don't **do** that anymore, if I can avoid it. So as much as I wanted something as simple as an empanada, and as easy as it would have been for me to just go **get it** we no longer live in a world where I **feel safe enough** to just go **do basic shit.** And it broke me. I just started fucking bawling alone, with the door closed in my office because my wife was teaching, and the cats hate being locked in the mancave with me.
I had planned on being in Vegas with my boys for NCAA Opening Weekend, with a dip to Portland for my boy E's bachelor party. It didn't happen. I would be leaving for Disney this weekend with my wife- some time in the Happiest Place on Earth with the person I love the most. Not going to happen. And these things definitely had an effect on me. But I kinda shrugged my shoulders, cursed China for being slow to let us know and our government for being **even slower** but invariably kept it moving.
But this empanada.
Clearly, the empanada was a symbol of something- normalcy. I don't know if I need the world to be "normal" again, I just need the world to stay the fuck home long enough to contain the disease sufficient to let me **go get a fucking empanada.**
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