The calm before the storm

Well, I'm in the process of trying to hold a speech tournament at my high school this weekend, and if there was a way i could guarantee that the year I took off my life was not the immediate year, I would clearly give up a year of my life to have this entire experience be over. I imagine it's a lot like most things you do for the benefit of others, a ton of stress until it begins, and after it begins literally until it ends, and then it's something like euphoria (in a world where euphoria could be truly achieved at school at 7:30am, waiting to teach classes, probably to listen to the remainder of Gettysburg address speeches). And if you think the Gettysburg Address is such a beautiful piece of rhetoric that it can't be ruined, you would be sorely mistaken- listening to it 60 times in a couple of class periods is like being booted in the testicles...

...so today, Plexico Burress begins his jail sentence. He's in the clink for 2 years for a gun charge. Now, Plex's gun charge isn't the pulled over with a gun under the seat kind of deal, nor is it the accidentally shot your limo driver in the face and cover it up kind of gun crime. The actual details of the crime border on comical. Mr. Burris decides he wants to go to a club in the city, and so he puts on a pair of sweat pants (really?!? must be nice to be famous. try getting into a club in a pair of sweats in most places, you're turned away at the door.) to hit the spot. But on the way out, he figures, "hey, I need some protection!" Rather than picking up some Jimmy Hats



he decided to bring the kind of protection that doesn't shit in a den, because as Ice Cube says, "a gat is a man's best friend". He puts the gun in the pocket of his sweats. As anyone that's tried to carry things as non-lethal as a cell phone or a set of keys, knows that a pair of sweats are not optimal insofar as making sure you don't just drop shit. Apparently, Plex missed this day in fashion school, and as he reached down for his gun, falling in his sweats, he accidentally discharged the gun...never mind that there are like five levels where it can be said that Plex engaged in some retarded shit...sweats at the club...gun in sweats...reaching for a falling, loaded gun...the list goes on.

this being said, these are all reasons Plex should 1) be the butt of thousands of jokes, 2) be made fun of in public by all around, 3) have some sort of community service. But putting him in jail for 2 years. Couple of things that should be mitigators...

1) it was his gun, and he shot himself. if he shot someone else, then by all means, throw the book at him. But he shot himself with his gun and paid for the hospital bills with his own money. It seems like this is the definition of a victimless crime. why in the world this justifies going to jail, i'll never know.

2) This is caused by the fucked off mandatory minimum issues we have with guns. Now Plex only chooses to go for two years as a deal. The sentence he would be up for was much longer, and he felt he had little to no chance to serve a much longer sentence, if convicted. Mandatory minimums are at the root of our clearly outdated and largely ineffective War on Drugs (which is probably more descriptive of many of our troops, with the war ON drugs campaign. The underlying warrant of these laws justify a world where Plex can get a 2 year sentence for, being an idiot and rocking a gun in a pair of sweats, and dante stallworth can fucking kill someone in his vehicle under the influence, and gets 30 DAYS, and only serves 24.

Some of our laws: FUBAR. Enough Said.

really, next time, strip clubs...