The drive for excellence....

I'm a guy that likes a challenge. Not a physical challenge anymore, as being old and lazy has made those nowhere as much fun as they used to be, but the idea that something would be hard to do, something even I think is impossible to get done, and simply roll up my sleeves and get it done. Some would call it the midwesterner in me, the simple no-bones-about-it guy that, when the chips are down, you'll know that guy (or woman, lest i be accused of being more of a sexist than i probably accused of being currently) will do all they can, and that will ALWAYS be enough to get the job done. It's one of my best qualities, and the one that my therapist and every person i have ever cared about/cared about me has said it's also my greatest weakness. Since i don't believe in impossible, i sometimes bite off more than i can chew, and end up doing what i would call an insufficient job (for myself, many times my D- job is good enough to have others accept it as legitimate, which just means mad motherfuckers have low standards)....which leads me to why i haven't written on the blog in a few days...


...my assistant decided to not be involved with forensics next year. although this is devistating, it was 1) not unforseen, and 2) probably about time for her to step away. she's a wonderful woman, who's awesome with the kids, awesome in a way i could never be, as i am a lot of things, but nobody sober would ever use the word nurturer to describe me, for a variety of reasons , and i imagine they would all, every single one of them, would be correct. but she's in her late 50's (something i had never really considered until, at the TOC, she told me, realtively excitedly, that she gets the senior discount, which was the exact moment i realized she was probably not coming back, and simultaneously why it seemed to make sense). I'm absolutely sure that me being me (like Manny being Manny without the female hormones to create testosterone, or the millions upon millions upon millions of dollars that dude has). On an irrelevent tangent, how does this 50 game suspension fuck Manny? He gets 50 games off, has millions upon millions upon millions of dollars already, the Dodgers get to spend the money they saved paying him for 50 games to improve their pitching, and Dodger fans bought into a fraud. If I didn't hate hate, really fucking hate the Dodgers, this wouldn't bother me, but they even got over when Manny gives them the shocker....damn damn damn, like Florida Evans on Good Times. Back to the initial rant...


...My assistant leaving means there's a REAL possibility where I may be the only employee at my school doing speech and debate, a program with over 100 kids. every program on campus with this size has 4-10 teachers affliliated with the program. but since what i do is insane, and known at my place of employment to be insane, it means nobody wants to help (why would they, if you could moderate a group that meets once a month at lunch, or do what i do, which is essentially travel 20 weekends a year with high school kids ON TOP of moderating a group that meets four times a WEEK). it takes a special breed to do this, one that is probably insane. Check. Got that covered. The program is too big to run with one person. There's too much stuff, too many kids, and it can't be done. Really. Can't be done? Well, whether it can be done or not, it's going to GET done. I know that, beacuse when it's all said and done, I don't have the heart to tell someone that loves what i do that i can't give them what they need to succeed. And i know how to get the impossible done, and have been getting it done for years. That's my MO. I'm, in this random, crazy, bizarro world, the Magic Man, but only for my kids, and the random people in my life that have access to my devotion. I will go to the end of the earth for my kids, and that's why my kids love me. it's not because i have the ability to nurture, becuae if it was that, i'd be totally fucked. the reason my kids love me is the reason my school can kind of fuck me, because problems always get resolved, and it always works in their favor (ie: the kids succeed, the school gets positive run, and other than my being run ragged and having small bouts with pure sanity, everyone wins). Makes me feel unappreciated, and makes me want to leave. But they know I won't, because i love those kids....

Like i said, it's my strength and curse, simultaneously.